


People always talk about love

by AiraKT



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, I actually really love them, I'm sorry about this, Kinda, M/M, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 16:09:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7851991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AiraKT/pseuds/AiraKT
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>People never talk about how painful it is to be in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	People always talk about love

**Author's Note:**

> As you'll probably notice I wrote this when I wasn't really feeling well.  
> I actually absolutely adore Daichi and Suga, and think that they're an awesome couple, who are just all happy and lovey-dovey all the time. Still, this happened.
> 
> Despite the not really happy theme I still hope you'll enjoy this, since I'm still kind of proud of it.
> 
> On another note, my beta-reader doesn't have time anymore, due to college and rl stuff, so I had to beta-read this myself. I hope, there won't be too many mistakes ^^'
> 
> Enjoy~

People always talk about how great it is to be in love.

How you see the world through rose lenses and everything seems to be perfect. How your heart starts beating faster only caused by your own thoughts. How merely seeing the person of your affection can lift you up and produce a whole swarm of butterfly inside your stomach.

But they never tell you, how that same butterflies can eat you from your inside out. How your heart cracks a little more with every heavy drum. How your world turns completely gray, as soon as you’re alone.

People never talk about how painful it is to be in love.

_ How it sometimes just makes you want to disappear. _

\---

Life was good for 17-year old Sawamura Daichi. Sure, he had to spend nearly every free minute of his days to learn for his tests, since he would be graduating soon, but his days still felt fulfilled.

Being the captain of a volleyball team could be fairly exhausting sometimes, but seeing all his comrades getting better with every practice left him with a feeling of satisfaction. And standing on the court at the end of a game they had won, hearing all the cheers of the crowd and his teammates, always filled him with so much pride. Because he knew how hard they had trained, because he knew how much they had fought, because he _knew_ that they’d won due to their abilities.

Because they simply had been the better team.

So seeing his team train their hardest every morning and every evening was incredibly fulfilling.

\---

It is strange how speaking to one person can decided your mood for an entire day. _Hell,_ even for several weeks. And even if you know the risk of being hurt – even it only happens unintentionally –, you just can’t _not_ talk to the person.

Because simply talking to them, simply hearing their voice, is making you so happy.

Even if you sometimes want to scream at them to shut up.

\---

Sawamura Daichi wouldn’t call himself the popular type, but it didn’t really matter to him. He had his volleyball team, full of odd, but really good people. He had Shimizu and Asahi, who had become good friends over the time, people he could always have fun with. There were also several other guys in his class he got along with quite well, people outside of his volleyball life he liked to spend time with.

Of course he also had Suga, his comrade since childhood days and undoubtedly his best friend.

Suga had always been a constant in his life and Daichi was really thankful for that. It was extremely simple to spend time with the ash-blond guy, due to his relaxed and cheerful attitude. It was also really easy to talk with him about anything and everything, and Daichi always felt his problems disappear only by Suga listening to them. So Daichi naturally told him everything major that happened in his life.

“Say, Suga, am I really that oblivious?” the raven asked one day on their way home.

Suga’s eyes seemed to scream a ‘Yes, you are!’ at him, but his friend only smiled. “Well, sometimes, I guess. Where does that question come from?”

Daichi frowned a little. He certainly had hope for another reply. “Michimiya confessed to me today.”

It took Daichi a few more steps to notice that Suga had frozen on the spot. When he turned around he could see the shock in big brown eyes. Nothing unexpected, Daichi had reacted in a similar way.

“It’s strange, right?” he continued. “I always thought of her as a simple friend, but she told me that she had liked me for several years now. That really changes everything.”

They slowly continued to walk. Suga smiled at him again, only a little less cheerful than he normally did. “I’m more surprised that you didn’t realize it on your own. She wasn’t exactly inconspicuous.”

“Really?” Daichi’s eyes grew large in surprise. Then he let out a sigh. “So you noticed? I can’t believe I’ve been that dense.” The last part was only muttered to himself, but judging by Suga’s snort he had been heard.

They walked a few minutes in silence again, both of them hanging after their own thoughts, before Suga disrupted the evening air. He took a deep breath before talking. “How did you respond?”

“Hm?”

“Well, how did you respond to her confession? Are you going out with her now?”

“I said that I would think about it.” Daichi started to muse about his own words before continuing. “But I don’t think that I will.”

A shaky breath was released from Suga’s mouth. “I see,” the setter quietly muttered.

“It is just really bad timing, you know? Maybe if she had said something last year I would have dated her. But now I’m busy with all that college application stuff and I’m pretty sure that I’ll move away after graduation. It’s just unrealistic to think a relationship would work if we started now.” Daichi shrugged. “So it’s kinda a shame, she is really cute after all.”

There was a small pause in which Suga didn’t reply, but Daichi couldn’t blame him. They rarely talked about girls so it felt a little awkward.

“I guess she is,” Suga said with a small smile.

Daichi responded with a bright smile of his own. “I guess I’ll just have to look for a girlfriend in college, right? Both of us will have to.” He gently nudged his friend’s shoulder.

This time Suga didn’t answer at all, but just shakily laughed, not completely meeting his eyes. Worried, Daichi frowned a little. It was unusual to see Suga like this. “Is everything ok, Suga? You look really tired.”

His ash-blond friend tensed, before heaving a sigh out of his lungs. “I’m sorry, the day has been kinda draining.” He flashed him another small smile, clearly not feeling well. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing. I’ll just go to sleep early today. Tomorrow will be better.”

Slowly Daichi nodded. “Ok, if you say so.”

They bid each other farewell at the crossing, where their ways parted, and Daichi reminded his friend to take good care of himself. Suga reassured him and the next day everything was normal again.

\---

But despite all the pain you’ll experience there are also good days.

Love still has his positive sides after all. It still makes you feel the butterflies simply caused by eye contact. Your skin still heats with every innocent touch. Your heart will still skip a beat if you see their beautiful smile.

So, yeah, there are good days.

\---

School could be really annoying for Sawamura Daichi, but his friends made it somehow bearable.

“God, I can’t believe we have to do a group project so late in the semester,” Hanamiya groaned and his head thudded on his desk.

There were several agreeing nods and more complaints resonating through the room.

Daichi walked over to his classmates and laughed a little. “It’s not that bad, you know? We’ve had worse projects. This one shouldn’t be too hard.”

“Of course you wouldn’t complain”, one of the other guys snorted. “Your partner is Suga after all.”

Hanamiya nodded. “Yeah, that’s right.”

“Hey, Suga!” Akiba called the ash-blond boy over.

Surprised Suga looked up from his bag, where he searched for something. After a moment he slowly went over to the group and eyed them wearily. “What’s up?”

“Don’t let Sawamura use you too much, ok?” Akiba told him and set a hand on his shoulder.

Suga seemed even more confused now. “Why should he use me?”

“You probably always do all the work on your own. That’s how you guys got all the good grades, right?”

With an annoyed huff Daichi crossed the arms in front of his chest and Suga shook his head. “That’s not true. We always work together.” Then he snorted and raised an eyebrow. “Did you really think I would let him use me?”

“That’s right,” Daichi affirmed with a laugh. “It’s rather the other way around. Suga is a real slave-driver.”

That earned him a light jab to his side. “I’m _not._ Are you really complaining right now?”

Kurama laughed a little with them. “Just change partners and work with me then, Suga. I’ll do all the work, if your brain earns us a good grade.” The other guys started to join in and soon a little debate broke out, discussing who should be Suga’s partner.

After Daichi shook of the shock he laid his arm around his best friend’s shoulder to pull him closer. “Wait a minute, Suga’s _my_ partner and I definitely won’t hand him over.”

Suga looked at him with large eyes, but Daichi just flashed him a bright smile, which the setter slowly returned.

A sigh caught their attention and they looked up to see Akiba shake his head. “Glued together at your hips like always.”

Hanamiya gave an agreeing nod. “One could nearly take you for an old couple.”

On a whim Daichi gave in to his childish desire and stuck out his tongue. “You guys are just jealous.” From the corner of his eyes he could see a huge smile on Suga’s face, and he turned around to grin at him.

Daichi could have sworn that a slight blushed decorated Suga’s cheeks, but before he could ask his friend what was wrong, the teacher for their next lesson entered the room and the little group dissolved.

\---

But it’s not that easy to enjoy the good days, when you know that the bad ones will come back. And after experiencing the joyful times the pain only feels stronger than ever.

So the bad days only seem to worsen over the time. And if you think you reached the bottom life will punch you in the gut just to assure that you’ll never get up again.

Sometimes you can’t do anything besides enduring.

\---

Sawamura Daichi had always been the type to carefully plan his every action. The heavier the decision was the longer he thought about it, so it wasn’t rare that he chose his way at the last moment. He always felt kind of bad for his parents and his friends, when he surprised them.

“You’re going to Tokyo, aren’t you?”

He and Suga sat together in Daichi’s bedroom and tried to get all the material for their next exam into their heads. At his question Suga saw up from his history notes and looked at him with a suspicious expression. “Yeah, I already told you that I’m going to study to become a teacher.”

Daichi replied with a slow nod. “Yesterday I decided what I’m going to do after graduation, too.”

For a short moment Suga’s eyes widened in surprise and he sat the pen down on the table. “Ok,” he answered, uncertainty resonating in his voice.

“Yeah, I’m…” Daichi took a short breath. “I’m going to go to England for university.”

The silence was deafening and the raven waited for any kind of response. When nothing came, he looked into Suga’s face, only to see him frozen in shock.

“England?” the ash-blonde whispered after what felt like hours.

“Yeah.”

“For how long?”

Daichi shrugged. “At least three years, probably five.”

He saw how Suga’s hands clenched into fists and his friend let out a shaky breath. “Five years? That’s … long.”

“It’s actually pretty normal,” the raven replied and smiled a little. Of course he had expected Suga to be shocked, but seeing his pale face was a bit … unsettling. He frowned. “Are you ok, Suga? You really don’t look good.”

For a moment Daichi thought that Suga hadn’t heard him, but then their eyes met again. Suga heavily swallowed. “Why England?”

The raven was still really worried – especially when he saw the teary expression in those brown eyes –, but he simply continued to speak. “My aunt and my uncle live there and they have one of the best universities in whole world, when it comes to medical science.”

“I thought you would come to Tokyo, too, Daichi,” Suga quietly stated and somehow Daichi’s insides hurt when he heard the weak voice.

“I was really reluctant too, but my dad encouraged me. And when I talked to my uncle on the phone a few days ago, he reassured me that I wouldn’t burden them. I would probably regret it, if I didn’t even try.”

“I see,” was the cautious response, and Daichi nearly wanted to ask again, if everything was alright. But a second later Suga smiled at him. “I’m really glad for you, Daichi. That’s a great opportunity.”

After a short moment, in which Daichi eyed his friend warily, he returned the smile happily. “Thanks. It’ll probably be really strange, but I hope that it will be a good experience.”

Suga nodded. Then he stretched himself a little. “I guess, I’ll go home now.”

“What, already?”

The setter started to pack his things and a few minutes later both of them stood at the house’s front door. While Suga tied his shoes, Daichi observed him and frowned.

“Are you sure, you want to go home already?” he asked for what had to be the fifth time. “You look pretty sick, you know? And you’re extremely pale.”

Suga sighed a little, but smiled at him. “I’m fine, Daichi, you worry too much. I’m just tired these days.” Even if Daichi didn’t doubt him being tired, he could see the fakeness of his smile way too clearly.

“You’ll tell me, if you feel bad, right?”

 There was a short break before Suga nodded and his smile looked even more strained now. “Of course, Daichi.”

After that conversation, they didn’t see each other outside of school for several weeks.

\---

And sometimes you just break.

\---

For five weeks Sawamura Daichi tried to speak with his best friend in private. For five weeks Suga fed him excuses and avoided him. For five weeks Daichi asked himself what had happened, what had he done wrong. And more importantly – how could he fix this?

It hurts to know that your best friend is avoiding you and even Daichi wasn’t dense enough to _not_ notice that Suga was doing exactly that. He just hadn’t had a single clue why this was happening.

And then their graduation came.

All the little steps that had led to this had been so strange – having to write all those hard exams, anxiously waiting for your results, sitting a last time in the classroom, hearing their teachers wishing them all the best and bidding farewell.

Training a last time with their team.

Handing his captain spot over to Ennoshita.

It all was very strange.

And doing all that without Suga by his side made it a lot worse.

Sure, Suga was physically there, always present somewhere by his side, but he wasn’t really _there_. He didn’t speak to Daichi more than necessary, he didn’t look him in the eye, he rarely smiled. And when he did it looked so fake that it hurt Daichi.

A week and a half passed after the ceremony, and finally Daichi had enough. He couldn’t do this anymore, couldn’t just endure the silent guilt, when he didn’t even know what he had done wrong.

That’s how he ended up at Suga’s door and impatiently knocked on it.

He could hear an annoyed “What do you want?” from the inside and took that as a sign to let himself in. What he saw shocked him deeply. Suga looked… sick. His fair skin looked even paler, nearly as ashen as his hair, his eyes were red and swollen as if he had cried – a lot.

A really surprised look flashed over the setter’s face, as he slowly sat up from the lying position he had taken on the bed.

“Daichi.” His voice was nothing more than a tired whisper.

They stared at another in silence, until the raven closed the door behind him and started to come closer. Instinctively Suga backed up against the wall. “What are you doing here?” he asked breathlessly. “How did you even come in?”

“Your mother let me in,” Daichi stated as if it was the most natural thing in the world. It had been completely normal, before Suga had started to avoid him. The raven just continued walking, until his legs nearly hit the bed. He sat down on the soft mattress.

The small screaking sound of the springs seemed to snap Suga out from a trance and he practically sprang out of his bed, heading for the door. “I’m sorry, I forgot I had to-”

“Suga!” Daichi sternly interrupted him and grabbed his wrist. He wouldn’t let him run away, not this time.

The ash-blonde stopped, but didn’t respond, his eyes locked on the floor.

Unhappy, Daichi frowned. “Suga, please talk to me! Please tell me what I did wrong.”

“You didn’t do anything,” Suga quickly assured him with a shake of his head. “It’s my fault.”

An irritated scowl formed on the raven’s face. His friend didn’t even try to deny it. “How can it not be something I did? Is there something you can’t talk to me about?”

“No, just-” A deep sigh. “Please, don’t worry about it.”

“Suga. You’re my best friend, how can I not worry?”

Daichi startled a little, when Suga yanked out his hand from the grip and angrily turned around to him. “Just stop it! You’re supposed to go to England, find a girlfriend and be happy, so stop worrying about something so stupid!”

Even though he was surprised that Suga raised his voice at him – he had never done that before – he was mainly angry now. Angry, because Suga always did this, always convinced himself that his own problems didn’t matter. “How can it be stupid?” he nearly spat out. “It is obviously hurting you, how can something that bad even be stupid?”

Suga was trembling by now, his hands tightly curled into fists, his lower lips drawn between teeth and his eyes swimming in unshed tears. But he didn’t say anything, just silently refused to look at him.

“Is it because I go to England?” Daichi tried to connect to what Suga had said before, his voice gentler now. He just wanted to understand. “It’s not like we see each other never again, you know? I still want to be friends with you, even if we live apart.”

There was the silence again and Daichi already thought that he never would get an answer, when Suga silently whispered, “That won’t work.”

“Huh? Why shouldn’t it work? We can still text each other and call via Skype, and I’ll be home for the holidays and-”

“No,” Suga quickly interrupted him. “I like you, Daichi. It won’t work.”

Daichi stared at him in utter confusion. “I like you, too, that’s even more reason to-”

“You don’t understand!” Suga shouted now and started to walk back and forth. He angrily ran his hand through his hair.

Suga was right – Daichi didn’t understand at all. All he could do was simply observe the ash-blonde ringing with himself, obviously at a loss of words. When he didn’t seem to find the answer he was looking for, Suga let out a loud “Fuck!” and Daichi’s eyes grew large in surprise. Suga never cursed. Never.

He was even more surprised, when Suga suddenly stood before him and grabbed the collar of his shirt, swiftly bringing their faces together. “I fucking love you, Daichi,” the setter growled at him and crushed their lips together.

Before Daichi could react – before he could even _realize_ what was going on –, Suga was already gone again. The ash-blonde let himself fall on the other side of the bed and buried his face in his hands. Daichi could just stare in silent. What did just-?

“You… you love me?” he slowly managed after a few silent moments. “You mean… really _love_ me? You’re gay?”

Suga just groaned in response. “Please, just go away. I already know your answer.”

Unable to move, Daichi just sat there and stared at his best friend for who-knows-how-many minutes. He saw his shoulders trembling and heard a silent sob and suddenly everything fell into place. All those strange moments, the things Suga sometimes had said and the way he had sometimes looked at him – it made so much sense now. And Daichi wanted to punch himself for not noticing sooner.

“Suga,” he slowly started, but his voice cracked. But even with voice, he wouldn’t know how to continue.

Suga shook his head. “Just- Go, Daichi.”

There was nothing more Daichi wanted to do than take Suga into his arms, wipe the tears from his cheeks, hug him until the trembling stopped. There was nothing more Daichi wanted to tell him than that everything was going to be ok.

There was nothing more Daichi wanted to do than to make Suga happy.

But he couldn’t.

Daichi slowly rose from the bed and walked over to the door. When his hand lay on the door knob, he turned around once more to look at his crying best friend. “I’m sorry,” he whispered and it meant everything. The answer was another loud sob and Daichi could feel his heart break.

But he couldn’t.

\---

You know the idiom “Time heals all wounds”?

I hated it. Hated it deeply from the bottom of my heart.

It doesn’t take the pain away at all, it doesn’t make you feel better. Instead it just shoves into your face how miserable you are, how desperately you’re trying to find hope in all the despair.

But despair is a dark, bottomless pit, that just consumes you and drags you deeper the more you try to struggle. And you will fall endlessly, until you stop searching for the light.

But you know what?

It gets better. It always does.

It may take years to overcome, to leave the darkness behind with tiny baby-steps. You won’t make it alone, you will be pushed by people who care and you will fall back from time to time.

You know that other strange idiom “Life goes on”? It surely does, even if you desperately search for the pause-button. I hated _that_ idiom too.

It may take an encounter in a tram with a man, who just suddenly blurts out a “Wow, you’re really beautiful”, turning both of you into a blushing mess, before he awkwardly asks you out for a coffee. And you have to say yes.

Because even if it’s not the bright light you were looking for, not the one fateful encounter that will melt the darkness away, it is a tiny baby-step.

It is easy to take one step and with a lot of ‘one step’s you can go everywhere.

And your fateful encounter will come.

That dumb idiom “Time heals all wounds”. I know it’s hard to believe and I know you don’t want to hear it, but it’s true.

I fucking hate idioms.

\---

Life was good for 32 year old Sawamura Daichi. Sure, he had close to none free time, considering he ran his own praxis, and the few hours he got daily were spent with a lot of children’s shouting and the screaming of a newborn.

But of course he loved the sound of his two daughters’ happily running around the house, as their mother tried to get them dressed to finally go out. And of course they were late again.

Daichi stood a little impatiently at their front door, his only son heavy in his arms. The poor boy was already clad in multiple layers of cloth, so that he wouldn’t freeze outside – it had even snowed the night before.

Somehow they made it outside of their house in five more minutes and less than half an hour later, they stood before a Christmassy decorated front door. After a rang they heard a chirpy voice calling from the inside, and less than a minute later an ash-blond man opened the door for them.

Daichi’s daughters immediately darted forward and jumped into the man’s arm, happily greeting him. The ash-blonde laughed with them and hugged them back, before he stepped out of the way to let the whole family inside. They quickly closed the front door, to keep the cold outside and started to get out of their heavy coats.

“It smells heavenly as always,” Daichi’s wife said, as she and their host hugged.

The man laughed. “Well, I certainly hope it doesn’t only smell good.”

Daichi stepped forward next and he also pulled his best friend into a hug. “Hey, Suga,” he greeted with a big smile, which immediately was returned to him.

“Hey, Daichi,” the smaller male answered, before turning to the small boy in Daichi’s arms. “And hey, little man, long time no see.”

“Speaking of men,” the woman said, after she freed her energetic twins of their shoes, and they were all on their way to the beautifully decorated living room. “Where are your guys?”

Suga smiled. “They had to take a little shopping trip, because-” The sound of a key clicking in the door interrupted them and soon shouts of “We’re back” rang through the flat. “Oh, there they are.”

As soon as Suga said that, the two girls started to run towards the entrance to greet their favorite friend, who was just one year older than them. Daichi always had a little sympathy with the little guy, but the shy boy actually seemed to enjoy the attention.

Another man stepped into the living room and the greetings started all over again. He stepped next to his husband and lay an arm around his waist, pulling him into a small kiss. Suga beamed a smile at him and as always time seemed to stop a little for the both of them, before they broke their eye contact.

Suga’s husband first greeted the woman with a brief hug and an exchange of pleasantries, before he stepped to Daichi and the two of them friendly shook their hands.

“Long time no see,” Daichi greeted with a smile and the man nodded.

“It has really been way too long, hasn’t it?” Then he looked at the boy inside Daichi’s arms. “And long time no see to you too, Koushi.”

The toddler happily cooed and his laughter brought a smile to all the adults.

“Well then, since we’re all here, shall we start with dinner?” Suga asked into the room and the other’s nodded affirmatively. 

“No, dad, can’t we open the presents first?” one of the girls asked and looked at Daichi with pleading eyes.

Daichi shook his head. “You know the rules, baby bird, first the dinner, then the presents.”

The girls simultaneously whined. “But, dad!” Then one of them grabbed the hand of the small boy next to her. “Can’t you convince your papa?”

The other girl mirrored her sister’s movement. “Yeah, can you do that, please?”

A little helpless the boy looked back and forth between the twins, before his eyes searched for Suga’s gaze. “Can we, papa?” he shyly asked.

But like Daichi before, Suga shook his head. “Sorry, but dinner comes first.”

The poor boy looked really dejected, as he muttered a small “Sorry” at the girls and again the both of them whined a little. The adults exchanged gazes, before they all headed for the dining table and the flat was filled with happy laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> I imagine Suga's child to be absolutely gorgeous, because even if he's adopted, he's still Suga's child.
> 
> Please tell me what you thought about this story, and if I could properly transmit the feeling, though I honestly hope that you can't relate.
> 
> You can also always say hi on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/SaendyH) to me or visit my extremely new [Tumblr](https://airakt.tumblr.com) page :3
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


End file.
